When I found out I was pregnant, my world was suddenly thrown into chaos. My ex-boyfriend had chosen not to be part of the equation and left me to face this new reality alone. It felt like a huge weight had been placed on my shoulders as I faced the daunting challenge of becoming a single mom.
That was nearly ten years ago and since then, I have had to learn how to cope with this new lifestyle while trying my best to overcome the challenges that come with it.
How does it feel to be a single mom?
Being a single mother is filled with highs and lows but there are ways you can make it work in your favor if you’re willing to put in the effort. In this blog post, I want to share some of the things I have gone through as a single mother.
One of the most difficult things I have to do is dealing with my daughter’s questions about her father. As she grows older, she has started to ask why he doesn’t want to see her and it breaks my heart every time.
I try not to let it show, but inside I am hurting just as much as she is. It can be hard enough explaining the situation without having the added stress of seeing her upset over something that isn’t her fault.
She really wanted to meet him, so made it my mission to try and get in contact with him. Despite numerous attempts to reach him, he never responded. It was like he had completely disappeared from the face of the earth and it left me feeling helpless and frustrated.
Although it was hard not knowing why he had chosen to ignore us both, I eventually came to terms with the fact that there were some things I would never understand.
Despite my ex’s lack of involvement in our lives, my daughter still clings to the hope that one day she will get to meet her father. She often talks about how wonderful it would be if he could come and visit us or even just talk on the phone for a while. Even though I try to explain that this isn’t likely going to happen, she continues to believe that maybe one day things will change.
So, apart from all the questions and feeling of emptiness, what else is difficult?
Sometimes I have to be both a mom and a dad for my daughter. It can be hard for me because I do not have another person to share the burden with. It means that I need to handle all of the parenting duties myself and it can get really tiring at times. But even though it is difficult, I do my best to take care of her and make sure she has everything she needs.
I am solely responsible for providing for my daughter and that can be very difficult. Even though I work full-time, the cost of living continues to rise, making it hard to make ends meet. I often have to cut back on groceries and other necessities in order to ensure that our rent gets paid on time. Due to the massive amount of expenses involved with raising a child, I usually find myself living paycheck-to-paycheck, constantly worrying about how I’m going to make ends meet.
I try to budget carefully but there are numerous hidden costs of being a single parent that can’t always be predicted such as medical bills or unexpected car repair costs which wipes out whatever savings I had managed to set aside over time. It’s also incredibly hard to plan ahead financially because as my daughter grows older she requires more money for school supplies, clothes and activities. All of this means that no matter how hard I try, it’s impossible for me to ever save enough money each month so that we don’t have any financial worries in the future.
Another thing I find hard is dating. Not only do I have to worry about potential dates not wanting commitment or being emotionally available, but I also need to be incredibly careful when considering someone as a potential father figure for my daughter.
This means that I have to take into consideration not only what kind of person the individual is, but also how my daughter would react to them and whether or not they are able and willing to fill that role properly.
It can be hard trying to find someone who is both kind and understanding towards my daughter as well as respectful of our relationship. As a single mother, I want someone who will nurture her in a way her father had. This can be particularly hard when considering the emotional needs of an adolescent girl who is missing her father’s presence in her life.
Finally, there’s also the fear that whoever I bring into our lives might decide at some point that he does not want anything more than a casual relationship with us both and leave abruptly without warning.
As a single mother, this is something that always lingers in the back of my mind even when things seem great at first because it puts me in an even more vulnerable position with regards to dealing with heartbreak and disappointment if things go south again after some time has passed since his entry into our lives.
The end?
At the end, I can honestly say that it’s not always easy. But despite the struggles and hardships, I’m proud of how far my daughter and I have come together since her father left us.
We may be facing some difficult obstacles but with hard work and dedication, we are getting through them as best we can.
Being a single mom is no walk in the park but it does take strength to handle all of these responsibilities by yourself which makes me feel empowered knowing that I am capable of doing this on my own.
Above everything else, what matters most is that I love my daughter more than anything in the world and will do whatever it takes to ensure she has a bright future ahead of her.